How to Sit Down With the Kids and Tell Them You’re Divorcing
There are few conversations a parent dreads more than the one where it is time to explain that mommy and daddy are getting a divorce, and that the picture of their lives as they know it is about to change forever. No parent wants to cause their children pain, and unfortunately there will be hurt, confusion, and anger as a result of announcing this life transition. There are some things you can say in the discussion to help make the news a little easier to take, and attitudes you can take to help the kids adjust through it.
First off, make sure you present this divorce as a change – not a catastrophe. Ease their fears by telling them that although mommy and daddy will be living in separate houses, they as children will still have their routines, their schools, their friends, and their activities. Express a commitment to prioritizing their lives and making the change as easy as possible.
Also, be sure there is no blame attached to the event. Do not apologize and lay blame on yourself or your spouse. Ideally, both you and your spouse are explaining this together. You do not need to go into details about why it is happening (the kids don’t need to know that daddy cheated on mommy, etc), but you can truthfully state that you have realized that mommy and daddy will be happier in separate houses, and you can assure them you will be a better parent to them this way as well.
Honor your children’s emotions, and be ready for tears and anger. After all, this is a decision that impacts them profoundly, and they had no say in it. Mirror back their emotions so they know they are being heard and respected. You can say “What I hear you saying is that you are hurt and upset that this is happening.”
Above all, be sure you are not using your children emotionally in any way to get through this challenging emotional event yourself – that is what your adult support network is for. If you are emotionally overwhelmed, get counseling and other support. Don’t lean on them and don’t expect them to take any sides. Be sure you never badmouth your ex spouse in front of your children.
Are you interested in addressing the challenge of divorce from a holistic standpoint, assessing the physical, emotional, practical, and relationship components?
For a free copy of my ebook, “Natural Methods To Fight Depression”, click here: http://www.stoptoxicrelationships.com/gifts-naturalmethodstofightdepression.html
Shannon Cook is a personal coach and resource guide who has written a number of informative articles and ebooks on the topic of toxic relationships and holistic personal growth, including physical, emotional and relationship health.
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