Children Can and Do Make Mistakes
I’m always a bit saddened when I read message boards and parents ask what the appropriate punishment is when their child has made a mistake.
There is a world of difference between a child who makes a choice to not follow rules and a child who truly makes a mistake.
As adults, we too make mistakes. We say things we shouldn’t have said. We throw away something we’ve accidentally burned and we all carry car insurance for those rare times that either we hit something or something hits us.
I have two kids. Over the years they’ve both made honest mistakes and they’ve both made choices that resulted in consequences they weren’t happy with.
If a child is painting and accidentally gets paint on the chair or table this doesn’t deserve a punishment. If the same child takes their paint brush and paints on the wall, that was a deliberate wrongdoing and yes, deserves a consequence.
When a teen allows their friends to borrow their cell phone and then go over on minutes, that’s an accident. When that same teen uses 2000 minutes to talk to someone who lives around the corner, knowing they only have 500 minutes, this deserves consequences.
As parents, it’s our job to determine what happened and if punishment is really necessary. Making choices and making mistakes is what leads a child into adulthood. The skills and resources they take into adulthood are a result of what we as parents have allowed them to learn while still in our homes.
If we punish our children for every mistake they make, we end up with children who are afraid to try something new, afraid to venture out of their comfort zone and afraid to make decisions on their own.
Disobeying rules, lying and intentionally doing something wrong deserve both the natural consequences and also parental consequences, but an honest mistake deserves understanding and empathy, not punishment. In fact an honest mistake is a wonderful opportunity for some great conversation with your child on what went wrong and what to do differently next time.
Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at http://www.todays-parent.com
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