Parents On The Blog

As a parent, teaching children the skill of organization is not just one less cleaning job on the household chore checklist. Some experts consider teaching children organizational skills as fundamental as instructing them about morals, values and other personal signposts. In fact, organization skills taught during childhood are likely to follow the child through adolescence and onto adulthood. And when children reach adult age, these essential skills can translate into real-world talents and successes.

So is it possible for parents to teach children to become organized? Take it from a Professional Organizer - most definitely! I regularly experience the benefits of teaching my children organizational skills - my nine-year-old now asks to put away and organize our family’s groceries by herself, and she does a great job doing so.

While many children will not initially find the activity of organizing their personal items desirable, they will welcome the consistent routine that organizing offers. Because children generally respond well to consistency and structure, and parents love an organized home, the arrangement would seem like a no-brainer - teach your children organizational skills and parents enjoy a less-cluttered household in the process.

However, many parents make the mistake of simply saying “clean your room” which essentially leaves organizational methods up to their children and allows them the opportunity to make creative organizational choices. Without the necessary instruction, a child can just throw their toys anywhere they please as long as the clutter is out of sight. Creativity is fine, but what will happen when the child arrives in the real world as an adult? Will his kooky childhood methods serve him well amongst his peers?

As a child’s first teacher and the guardian of their future, it is up to the parent to take every opportunity to prepare their children for their adult lives. It is well worth the effort for parents to communicate basic rules of organization that will build a child’s skills. Rules provide structure in children’s lives and structure lays the foundation for the types of people children will grow up to be.

So why waste an opportunity to guide the development of your child? In essence, if you teach a child how to be well-organized, he will grow to be a well-organized adult.

Consider using the household chores and organizing routine as a means to teach your children how to become capable adults. They likely will not recognize the investment now, but as an adult they will witness others their own age have trouble with tasks they mastered while children, and will no doubt be grateful for the skills they seemed to effortlessly learn while in your care.

Copyright (c) 2008 Simplified Spaces
Janet Nusbaum (AKA the Organizing Genie), WAHM of two, is an Organizing Consultant, Speaker & Author of ‘Mom, Can I Help Around the House?’ A Simple Step-by-step System for Teaching your Children Life-long Skills for Pitching in & Picking up’, who helps individuals, families, seniors and businesses organize life and navigate transitions. Visit http://www.KidsandChores.net to receive a FREE chapter of her new book and family chore system.

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Think about your interactions with your children today. How many things did you notice they did wrong? What did you do or say to them because of their wrong doings? Have they engaged in the same kind of behavior before? What did you do or say the times before? Is it working? How many things did you notice your children did right today? If you did take the time to notice, what did you do or say to them? Did you praise or reward them in some way? If so, then read no further and keep up the good work. If you could use a little work on doing this, then read on.

Let’s face it. We parents often neglect to notice the positive things our children do. Rather, we tend to focus on our children’s negative behaviors, because they either annoy us or otherwise make our lives difficult. Have you ever heard the phrase, “that which gets noticed gets repeated?” If all we ever notice is the negative things our children do, then why would they do anything different? It is as if we program our children to believe “if I’m only noticed when I do something wrong, then so be it.”

It is just as important, if not more, to notice our children’s positive behaviors. Remember most behaviors are controlled by their consequences. Some may believe rewarding kids for positive behavior is bribery. We all receive rewards daily for doing things well, at work, at home, and at play. These rewards often motivate us to continue the behaviors for which they were received. Where parents use rewards ineffectively is when they give a positive consequence to stop an inappropriate behavior. For example, “I’ll give you a cookie if you stop whining.” This only encourages the inappropriate behavior. Where as rewarding kids for their positive behaviors is quite the opposite and much more productive.

Using positive reinforcement to strengthen a desired behavior is easy. Just watch and wait for the behavior to occur then reinforce it with praise, a pat on the back or a special privilege. It may go something like this, “David, I really appreciate how you came in the house when I asked and you even did it without a big hassle. You should feel good about being able to do that.”  How about, “Wow Jamie, your bedroom looks awesome. You must have worked really hard on it. I bet you worked up a healthy appetite. Why don’t you decide what we have for lunch today.”

Focusing on your children’s positive behaviors could be the most productive parenting change you make if you don’t already do it. Chances are you have been trained like the rest of us to only call attention to the bad things your kids do. This phenomenon isn’t found solely in the parent/child relationship. It is also prevalent in spousal, sibling and employee/employer relationships. When was the last time your boss called you into his office and asked you to shut the door? Was it because he just wanted to tell you what a wonderful job you are doing and how valuable of an employee you are? If so, lucky you. More than likely, it was because he wanted to talk to you about something he thought you could do better or you were doing something wrong. People tend to take positive behavior for granted and punish negative behaviors.

Some parents find it helpful to make a note and put it where they can see it often. The note might read, “notice the positive” or “catch’em doing good.”  You may also want to consider using a jar of consequences, a parenting tool that parents can use to help them focus on and reinforce the positive behaviors their children exhibit.

Catch your kids being good. It could have a profound affect on the atmosphere in your home. Whatever it takes I assure you it will be worth it.

Author Bio
Destry Maycock, MSW has had over eleven years experience working with children and families as a professional social worker. Destry has helped hundreds of parents solve a variety of parenting challenges and strengthen their relationships with their children. Destry enjoys developing tools that help parents with the difficult but rewarding duty of raising children. His most recent creations can be found at www.parentingstore.com
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